Three Years in Togo: Another Reflection

 June 12th marks three years in Togo. 

It feels as if no time has passed, and yet, somehow, I have lived an entire lifetime in Togo. Someone recently asked me what are some of the greatest challenges that I have faced during my time living and working in Togo. I smiled as I thought back to my initial worries and challenges: learning new languages, managing the heat and spicy new foods, fighting off cockroaches in my latrine, learning how to negotiate a price at the market, hailing a taxi flying down the highway, and the list goes on and on. I think about how as time went on and I began to figure out how to navigate my life in Togo, the challenges I faced didn't disappear, but they certainly evolved. Soon I upgraded to learning how to set boundaries, managing new work and friend relationships, reserving time for myself, and exploring different regions of the country. It felt as though I was evolving rapidly and constantly leveling up. Each level getting more advanced with more intricate and complex obstacles to overcome. As I am reaching the final levels of Togo, I notice that the challenges I face now are difficulties anyone in their twenties could be facing anywhere in the world.

And that's the beauty of it all.  Despite living on the other side of the world, in a place where almost nothing is the same as back home, I find so many similarities. Human nature truly is universal and we're all trying to navigate this crazy world in the best way we can manage. 

This week, I sat down to reflect and journal on the lessons learned and the growth achieved over these past two years. I wanted to use this blog post to share the things I have learned during my time living, working, and growing in Togo. While I rarely talk about the struggles and less pretty parts of being a Peace Corps volunteer in Togo, I want to be honest and transparent about my experience, to complement the beautiful stories and the highlight reel often showcased on my social media. This post scares me, because it is far more vulnerable that I am used to sharing publicly. This journal entry was initially written privately. But I think there is a lot of power in sharing the struggles as well. And if there is anything Togo has taught me; it's how to acknowledge things that scare you, and then do them anyways. 

Things I have learned during my three years in Togo:

- Sometimes the greatest strength is admitting something is too much and you can't do it (alone at least).

- Being strong and reliable can lead to a greater load. And people assume you're always fine.

- There is a time to speak up and air your grievances, and there is a time to keep quiet and keep your opinions to yourself. Choose your battles.

- People don't change drastically. They will remain who they are to their core, and you can either accept them for who they are, or you can go your separate ways.

- Everyone is their own person and your relationship with them is just a small drop in the bucket when it comes to their life and who they are. Yet it is the main way we perceive that person. Don't forget they have their own life, their own dreams, their own struggles; all of which have little to do with you. 

- In any type of relationship, you can't force someone to do something. They have to want to do it. Or at least choose to struggle through something to achieve a desired result.

- You can't force someone to love you in the way that you want. It's not natural.

- Respecting boundaries can be harder than you think, but one of the greatest signs of love and respect. 

- Clarity and transparency are key in a healthy relationship of any kind, as well as consistent communication.

- Jealousy can be found all around the world and drives a lot of human behavior. Jealousy can make you do ugly things and is rarely pretty.

- People love gossip and will believe anything they hear. Search for the truth yourself, even if it's the harder option and scary at times.

- Confrontation at times can be healthy and beneficial, but not everyone is ready for it.

- Being self-aware and sympathetic can toe the line with letting others get away with too much. Be understanding and empathetic but firm with your boundaries.

- Being vulnerable end honest with yourself and others can be really scary, but also very empowering and allows your relationship to evolve to another level.

- It's ok to cry. It doesn't make you weak.

- You're not going to be happy at every stage in your life, and that's ok. Some stages of growth are painful.

- Learning you are the most reliable person in your life is exhausting and isolating but also empowering.

- Sometimes slowing down, unplugging, and taking time for yourself is necessary for proper reflection.

- The more you travel, the more diverse experiences you have, the more people you meet, the richer your life becomes, but the less tethered you are to a single home and the more isolated and less understood you feel.

- Everyone deals with conflict differently. Be patient and meet them where they're at.

- Some things are better left unsaid. Not every thought is a spoken one.

- The only way to learn and improve is through trying. Don't be afraid to make mistakes. We learn most from our failures.

- People who talk too much are bound to say stupid things. Choose your words wisely.

- Adults are actually just oversized children.

- Your ego can really prevent you from a lot of things. Check it often.

- People operate on their own timelines. Trying to rush them will lead to living a life in vain.

- Even amidst the struggles, you can find beauty in the small things. 

- Sometimes being sad looks like smile and laughter.

- Life is short and you never know when your time will come. So, enjoy every moment and don't stay mad or angry at people in life.

- Physical distance can be the best form of healing.

- Not everyone sees the world and the people in it the same way as you. Find people in life who share your optimism and open-mindedness. 

Cheers to three years in Togo. I hope reading these reflections makes you realize that despite the backdrop of my early twenties being drastically different from most of my friends and family, many experiences, struggles, and lessons are surprisingly similar.